How to Keep the Romance Alive After Having Children

In the early days of a relationship, it often seems like the two of you are the only people in the world. Once you have a baby, though, things can change. Sharing your home with a new little person while navigating learning to parent together can take a toll on your relationship. Your lives are forever changed, but we’ve got tips for keeping things romantic.

• Keep dating. Put it on the calendar: quality time together. Maybe you’ll hire a sitter and head out for dinner or a coffee date. Maybe you’ll schedule a special dinner for two after the baby is asleep. The type of date doesn’t matter, the important part is spending time alone together.
• Find little moments to steal for each other. Have coffee together in the morning or enjoy a stroll while the baby naps in the stroller. Cuddle in front of a tv show you both enjoy. Don’t wait for date night to find ways to connect. Shift out of parenting mode and remember why you’re together.
• Be affectionate. Bring back the PDA to help keep your marriage fresh. Kiss goodbye every morning and goodnight before bed. Hug frequently. Hold hands, snuggle, and find little ways to stay close.
• Spoil each other. Sometimes the best things are the little things. Bring your partner flowers, or a favorite snack. Make a cup of tea for him or her in the evening or offer coffee in bed in the morning.
• Don’t compete. Parenting is not a competition, it’s a cooperative process. Being a new parent is hard, whether you’re the mom or the dad, so work together to ease each other’s burdens. Be generous with compliments and hold back on criticism if you want a strong and healthy marriage.
• Ditch the screens. Make a commitment to each other to spend some screen-free time together every day. Stop scrolling and put the focus on your partner for at least a little while.
• Schedule sex. This may seem counterproductive to romance, but veteran parents will tell you, it’s necessary. You put everything else important on your calendars, so why not pencil in some time to remember the passion of the pre-baby days?
• Keep the communication flowing. Talk about the things that matter and the things that don’t. Call each other when you’re apart, write love notes on the bathroom mirror, and send little texts during the day. The mode of communication doesn’t matter ask long as you continue the conversation.
• Never give up. To keep your marriage romantic, choose each other every day. Commit to learning and growing together, and don’t accept failure as an option.

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